[ julie's quiet for the minute or so it takes to walk from the edge of ormond into the lodge, stamping some of the snow off her sneakers on the way in. she looks up at the faded mural on the upstairs wall as she throws herself down into an armchair. ]
We went to school with Jeff. [ she puts her feet up on the edge of the little coffee table with a shrug. she knows jeff isn't a chatty guy but it still surprises her that nobody seems to know. ] We weren't friends or anything though, no idea why it picked him.
[ He copies her, in a way, stomping the snow off his shoes right before going any further in and then catching up to her. He stands right before the coffee table, hands in his pockets and looking up at the mural at her revelation.
He's quiet, thinking about Jeff and wondering if every killer has a counterpart now, however distant - but there's something that's more interesting in there two. ]
I wonder why it took you from different times. That's got to be, like, at least ten years, right?
[ Should he sit too? Quentin takes the seat closest to the fire after hovering for a minute and leans forward, propping his head up with his hand and looking around. ]
[ closer to fifteen if she had to guess, but she hasn't asked. they've only spoken a few times since he turned up and as far as she can tell he has no idea why the entity chose him either. maybe there'll be a future tome that shines some light on the matter, maybe not. ]
[ julie looks at quentin when he sits, and to the bottle in her hands. she's gonna have to take her mask off, isn't she? fuck it. first she pushes it up just enough to take a drink, and then she pushes it up over her head and drops it down on the coffee table. the nonchalance as she reclines back into that chair is forced, but she's good at that. most of the time frank's the only one who sees through her unless they're really paying attention. ]
I try not to spend too much time thinking about the Entity and why it does anything.
[ a shrug as she takes another drink and leans over to offer the bottle to quentin. ]
The mask comes off and there he goes, looking at her like he’s studying some kind of painting with a curious little smile on. Quentin at least as the foresight to look away after a second instead of outright staring like he had with Susie. Julie wouldn’t even take that off for a head injury that the strap might be rubbing against.
Quentin’s paying attention but he doesn’t know Julie. Not really. Any forcing she’s doing goes unnoticed for the most part. ]
Maybe I’m spending too much thinking about it…
[ He’s been thinking about it since he got here. Why it does things. Why him? Why then? Why why why why-
He smiles in thanks and takes the bottle, his drink deep. He makes another face at the alcohol but it’s better than the first two drinks he had now. ]
[ it's immediate, a little "duh" in tone, but julie looks at her mask on the coffee table and its X mouth with a thoughtful frown. Maybe there's something to it — a face with no mouth for a girl who spent almost her whole life feeling like she could never say what was on her mind except to the rest of legion, like they were the only people she could be herself around — but even if she was willing to do that kind of introspection, julie's certainly not willing to say that much to quentin. ]
[ she shrugs a shoulder ] Maybe I just really liked Miffy.
But that's your main one that isn't the same as Frank's.
[ an immediate retort, carrying an eye-roll because she knows what he meant. he waits for a response, taking a whole gulp out of the bottle again before putting it down on the table where she can easily reach it. drinking with julie: he sure meant it.
quentin leans back in the chair then raising an eyebrow. ]
[ "maybe frank's is the same as mine" is right there on the tip of her tongue, but julie doesn't say it. it's a stupid, pointless argument to make, but she does frown anyway, however briefly. ]
Yeah, she was a [ she lifts her hands to either side of her head, two fingers pointed up on each in a mime for ears ] bunny with a little cross for a mouth.
I don't think the Entity's gonna go for us making alterations to its designs.
[ julie reaches for the bottle and takes a drink, holding it in her lap while she thinks. there's only one thing to do with quentin she's particularly interested in though. ]
So. [ immediate topic change. ] You and Suze are official now, eh?
Oh, I thought you might have had better luck since it likes you guys more. I tried messing with my outfit a couple of times just to see. Rip the sleeves and shit. It said "no".
[ There's that topic. Quentin, in response, raises his shoulders up with a silly lovestruck smile on his face that reaches his eyes. Head dips and nods. There's no denial here. ]
[ oh jesus, that's adorable. part of her wishes they could've met in the real world, he would've been good for her, she thinks. julie thinks about the shy, meek girl susie was and kind of hates that a guy like quentin would've been perfect for her. awkward too, but friendly, outgoing. kind. ]
[ it makes it harder to be mad about their relationship, and julie thinks it's still stupid as hell for susie to fall in with a survivor — she's much too soft, lets it shift her priorities — but there's nothing julie can do about it. she can... try to help, though. because she doubts quentin's really got a good idea how dark it can get for them and if he wants to be with susie he needs to be prepared for that. ]
God, look at you. [ it's lightly teasing, and julie takes a deeper drink and puts the bottle on the table. ]. The best, huh? Even when she gets mad?
[ he always wishes he could've met people in the real world. nice kind susie with her fun style who clicks with him better than nancy did. so full of life. doesn't sugar coat anything she says to him (he thinks...). he would've loved to do things with her. everything and anything.
quentin has the inkling of how dark it is. he knows there's consequences but susie always keeps reassuring him it's nothing too serious, nothing she can't handle - but he knows she's lying, just not how hard. he knows susie has an edge to her he doesn't get to see but vastly underestimates it. thinks there's never any enjoyment to it.
maybe the buzz has him extra smiley about the topic of susie, his new favorite subject. ]
Yeah. I get mad too. [ He makes a bit of a face. ] Really mad. It's fine. [ He sighs, back to smiling. ] Mad or happy or sad or just completely rolling on those never sleep pills you have or giving me a jab so I stop getting in her way. She's the best still.
[ he hasn't seen it. it gets bad, really bad. susie has a lot of anger in her, and having the power to really take that out on someone, to really rip into someone and make them hurt... ]
[ does she say something? does she leave it be? julie presses her lips together in a frown. ]
That's, um. It gets worse. A lot worse.
Edited (lmfao dropped my phone and it posted) 2022-10-19 22:42 (UTC)
[ Quentin’s dreamy loving look fades slowly into something confused, for a split second, then incredulous. He’s tired.
Part of him knows, seen the signs, heard of them but it’s been put off. Like sleep. Something that can’t be denied forever. He shakes his head dismissively and rubs at his own face. ]
Look. I know you don’t approve but if you’re about to make something up to get me to back off, it’s not going to work.
No. [ she shakes her head and puts the bottle down. ] Opposite, actually.
[ with a sigh, julie turns to sit side-on in the armchair, knees pulled up and feet wedged in the corner. the temptation to keep drinking is there, but she's only just edging over into tipsy and she'd rather have her head on straight. ]
Would I rather you two didn't get together? Yeah, I haven't been fucking subtle about it. But ending it now would just hurt her even worse than it never happening to begin with, I'm not gonna try and make you do that. [ she shrugs a shoulder ] As if I could anyway.
[ julie looks at quentin, frowning. ]
But you can't hold on to this idealised version of her. The darkness goes deep in all of us, I know for a fact she's been doing her best to hide that from you.
[ 'opposite, actually'. it makes him look at her very carefully, squinting his eyes in deep thought. giving his full attention -- or as full as it can be through perpetual exhaustion and what's bordering on half a bottle on his end. it did wake him up a bit. ]
Okay... [ He nods, in understanding. In agreement. Yeah, she couldn't break them up. He's serious about this. And it would just hurt Susie for her friend to try to do that or if she actually got Quentin off. Susie doesn't need that.
But idealized? He's frowning back, something tense and cautious now. ]
...She's hiding that it- [ He spins two fingers by his temple. ] Gets to her a lot more than she's telling me. She says she's fine but I know it's not true. But that's not her darkness, right? It puts that in there.
[ julie raises her eyebrows, gives quentin a look as if to say 'what do you think?' because there's no way he's actually this naïve, right? ]
There's a reason we're killers, Smith. [ she's sure susie's told him how they got here, but with what she's seen and learned julie doesn't think any of them would be killers if it wasn't already in them. janitor or not. ] It can twist it, amplify it, but it can't change what's inside us.
[ No, not naïve. Hopelessly repressing negative thoughts and spiraling himself into denial of the horrific realities before him? Sure. But he doesn't believe they're good first bad second. Susie made it sound like she was forced. ]
The reason was one time and that could be any of us. People can switch sides. It's not a requirement to be stuck like a killer forever. [ Or a survivor but- ] You can't think you're inherently evil, Julie.
Because nobody on your side has ever killed someone? Come on, Quentin.
[ julie rolls her eyes, reaches for the bottle. she's starting to understand how this is her fault, how she encouraged and nurtured something in all of them that turned them into monsters, and she needs quentin to understand that that's a significant part of who susie is. ]
It's not about good or evil, it's about the fact that what we are runs deeper than one awful thing she was part of.
But that's not true. I know for a fact the freakin' war veteran has killed people. The cops probably have. Different circumstances, yeah, but that's still...
[ grasping at straws. he trails off himself and huffs. he wishes she didn't just grab the bottle or he'd be chugging it right now. quentin's fidgeting in his seat and ends up messing around with his necklace again. he leans back, bouncing a leg, looking up at the ceiling of the lodge -- or the big gaping hole in the roof. ]
What are you then? If you say 'killers' I'm telling you to shut up.
I mean. [ she raises her eyebrows to say yeah, but doesn't actually say it. tipping her head back with a deeper drink from the bottle as she thinks about what to say to that, and offers it over to quentin. ]
People with the right kind of anger and malice for the Entity to use? [ she looks down at her knees, thinking. frowning. pulls at a stray thread. this is almost certainly saying too much, but... it's for susie. ] I think... There has to be a part of you already willing to hurt people-- really hurt them. People who've never done a thing to you. Doesn't matter if you have or haven't, just have to have that bit of venom already in your heart for the Entity to get its hooks in.
[ she's never said any of this to the others, but she's thought about it a lot, because otherwise why them? why joey and susie when neither of them are close to as unhinged or vicious as she and frank? when some of those survivors must have significant body counts and were probably much quicker to kill than any of them ever were before this place. it's what makes sense. ]
[ his eyes roll back at her raised eyebrows. but it doesn't need to be said. the bottle is taken as soon as it's offered and he holds it, looking at her carefully while she answers him. ]
The right kind of anger. [ His isn't good enough, he thinks. But then she continues and he picks his head up to look at her, the worrying his bottom lip in thought. No. He was right. His anger really isn't good enough. He doesn't have that in him. Venom and anger and hate but it's not unbiased, it's not uncontrolled that it'll hit a bystander. His heart would break if he hurt someone that never deserved it. Theirs would not. That's the difference, he supposes. There's a harsh reality to this that. Julie has that willingness.
Susie has that, it turns out. ]
Fuck. Okay. [ He rubs his face with one hand and looks off, drinking deeply from it as if that'll damper the discomfort and unease and everything. He holds it against his chest after stopping, which he might've only had to do to breathe. And just stares at the floor for a moment blinking like he wants to fight tears. Maybe he's always doing that. ]
So... You put a lot of thought into that, didn't you? I've been trying to figure it out. Why it's you that gets the knife but not me? Jill would put a bullet in any of you instantly but she wouldn't hurt someone that didn't deserve it. I didn't have the other side's insli..- [ He grunts and clears his throat. Rubbing his face. ] Insight.
[ He picks at his necklace again, then he's got another drink going. He'll give it back after with a significant dent. ]
[ any further things to say on that topic are cut off by a laugh at quentin's slip, when he admits he's drunk, and julie reaches over to take the bottle back. maybe that's enough for him considering he doesn't usually drink. ]
[ He's patting his cheeks to wake himself up now that the alcohol has officially really got to him. He looks at her, face scrunched up and one eye closed. ]
Um. Once here, like when I first got here, with moonshine they found because I thought getting blackout drunk would maybe prevent- [ He gestures at his head and almost slaps himself in the face. He drops his hand quickly. You didn't see that. ] Didn't work. I was just drunk dreaming.
[ He sinks into the chair, snorting. ]
Five or four cakes since then. Cake years. You know how it does the whole cycle and comes back to the cakes? Whatever. And I've only drank like once before getting to this place.
Oh. [ she gets he doesn't drink now because of freddy, but julie really would've thought he drank more in high school. then again not everybody was throwing and/or going to every party they could just to distract from how fucking miserable they and most of the kids in their town were. ]
[ anyway. julie snorts a laugh, a bit surprised. ] Okay, yeah. I'm cutting you off.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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We went to school with Jeff. [ she puts her feet up on the edge of the little coffee table with a shrug. she knows jeff isn't a chatty guy but it still surprises her that nobody seems to know. ] We weren't friends or anything though, no idea why it picked him.
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He's quiet, thinking about Jeff and wondering if every killer has a counterpart now, however distant - but there's something that's more interesting in there two. ]
I wonder why it took you from different times. That's got to be, like, at least ten years, right?
[ Should he sit too? Quentin takes the seat closest to the fire after hovering for a minute and leans forward, propping his head up with his hand and looking around. ]
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[ closer to fifteen if she had to guess, but she hasn't asked. they've only spoken a few times since he turned up and as far as she can tell he has no idea why the entity chose him either. maybe there'll be a future tome that shines some light on the matter, maybe not. ]
[ julie looks at quentin when he sits, and to the bottle in her hands. she's gonna have to take her mask off, isn't she? fuck it. first she pushes it up just enough to take a drink, and then she pushes it up over her head and drops it down on the coffee table. the nonchalance as she reclines back into that chair is forced, but she's good at that. most of the time frank's the only one who sees through her unless they're really paying attention. ]
I try not to spend too much time thinking about the Entity and why it does anything.
[ a shrug as she takes another drink and leans over to offer the bottle to quentin. ]
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[ You guys can get tomes?
The mask comes off and there he goes, looking at her like he’s studying some kind of painting with a curious little smile on. Quentin at least as the foresight to look away after a second instead of outright staring like he had with Susie. Julie wouldn’t even take that off for a head injury that the strap might be rubbing against.
Quentin’s paying attention but he doesn’t know Julie. Not really. Any forcing she’s doing goes unnoticed for the most part. ]
Maybe I’m spending too much thinking about it…
[ He’s been thinking about it since he got here. Why it does things. Why him? Why then? Why why why why-
He smiles in thanks and takes the bottle, his drink deep. He makes another face at the alcohol but it’s better than the first two drinks he had now. ]
Can I ask why doesn’t your mask get a mouth?
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[ it's immediate, a little "duh" in tone, but julie looks at her mask on the coffee table and its X mouth with a thoughtful frown. Maybe there's something to it — a face with no mouth for a girl who spent almost her whole life feeling like she could never say what was on her mind except to the rest of legion, like they were the only people she could be herself around — but even if she was willing to do that kind of introspection, julie's certainly not willing to say that much to quentin. ]
[ she shrugs a shoulder ] Maybe I just really liked Miffy.
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[ an immediate retort, carrying an eye-roll because she knows what he meant. he waits for a response, taking a whole gulp out of the bottle again before putting it down on the table where she can easily reach it. drinking with julie: he sure meant it.
quentin leans back in the chair then raising an eyebrow. ]
What's Miffy? Is that a cartoon?
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Yeah, she was a [ she lifts her hands to either side of her head, two fingers pointed up on each in a mime for ears ] bunny with a little cross for a mouth.
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That's cute. You should make the bunny suit's mouth an X and turn it into Miffy.
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[ julie reaches for the bottle and takes a drink, holding it in her lap while she thinks. there's only one thing to do with quentin she's particularly interested in though. ]
So. [ immediate topic change. ] You and Suze are official now, eh?
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[ There's that topic. Quentin, in response, raises his shoulders up with a silly lovestruck smile on his face that reaches his eyes. Head dips and nods. There's no denial here. ]
Yeah. All official now. Susie's the best.
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[ it makes it harder to be mad about their relationship, and julie thinks it's still stupid as hell for susie to fall in with a survivor — she's much too soft, lets it shift her priorities — but there's nothing julie can do about it. she can... try to help, though. because she doubts quentin's really got a good idea how dark it can get for them and if he wants to be with susie he needs to be prepared for that. ]
God, look at you. [ it's lightly teasing, and julie takes a deeper drink and puts the bottle on the table. ]. The best, huh? Even when she gets mad?
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quentin has the inkling of how dark it is. he knows there's consequences but susie always keeps reassuring him it's nothing too serious, nothing she can't handle - but he knows she's lying, just not how hard. he knows susie has an edge to her he doesn't get to see but vastly underestimates it. thinks there's never any enjoyment to it.
maybe the buzz has him extra smiley about the topic of susie, his new favorite subject. ]
Yeah. I get mad too. [ He makes a bit of a face. ] Really mad. It's fine. [ He sighs, back to smiling. ] Mad or happy or sad or just completely rolling on those never sleep pills you have or giving me a jab so I stop getting in her way. She's the best still.
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[ he hasn't seen it. it gets bad, really bad. susie has a lot of anger in her, and having the power to really take that out on someone, to really rip into someone and make them hurt... ]
[ does she say something? does she leave it be? julie presses her lips together in a frown. ]
That's, um. It gets worse. A lot worse.
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[ Quentin’s dreamy loving look fades slowly into something confused, for a split second, then incredulous. He’s tired.
Part of him knows, seen the signs, heard of them but it’s been put off. Like sleep. Something that can’t be denied forever. He shakes his head dismissively and rubs at his own face. ]
Look. I know you don’t approve but if you’re about to make something up to get me to back off, it’s not going to work.
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[ with a sigh, julie turns to sit side-on in the armchair, knees pulled up and feet wedged in the corner. the temptation to keep drinking is there, but she's only just edging over into tipsy and she'd rather have her head on straight. ]
Would I rather you two didn't get together? Yeah, I haven't been fucking subtle about it. But ending it now would just hurt her even worse than it never happening to begin with, I'm not gonna try and make you do that. [ she shrugs a shoulder ] As if I could anyway.
[ julie looks at quentin, frowning. ]
But you can't hold on to this idealised version of her. The darkness goes deep in all of us, I know for a fact she's been doing her best to hide that from you.
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Okay... [ He nods, in understanding. In agreement. Yeah, she couldn't break them up. He's serious about this. And it would just hurt Susie for her friend to try to do that or if she actually got Quentin off. Susie doesn't need that.
But idealized? He's frowning back, something tense and cautious now. ]
...She's hiding that it- [ He spins two fingers by his temple. ] Gets to her a lot more than she's telling me. She says she's fine but I know it's not true. But that's not her darkness, right? It puts that in there.
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There's a reason we're killers, Smith. [ she's sure susie's told him how they got here, but with what she's seen and learned julie doesn't think any of them would be killers if it wasn't already in them. janitor or not. ] It can twist it, amplify it, but it can't change what's inside us.
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The reason was one time and that could be any of us. People can switch sides. It's not a requirement to be stuck like a killer forever. [ Or a survivor but- ] You can't think you're inherently evil, Julie.
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[ julie rolls her eyes, reaches for the bottle. she's starting to understand how this is her fault, how she encouraged and nurtured something in all of them that turned them into monsters, and she needs quentin to understand that that's a significant part of who susie is. ]
It's not about good or evil, it's about the fact that what we are runs deeper than one awful thing she was part of.
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[ grasping at straws. he trails off himself and huffs. he wishes she didn't just grab the bottle or he'd be chugging it right now. quentin's fidgeting in his seat and ends up messing around with his necklace again. he leans back, bouncing a leg, looking up at the ceiling of the lodge -- or the big gaping hole in the roof. ]
What are you then? If you say 'killers' I'm telling you to shut up.
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People with the right kind of anger and malice for the Entity to use? [ she looks down at her knees, thinking. frowning. pulls at a stray thread. this is almost certainly saying too much, but... it's for susie. ] I think... There has to be a part of you already willing to hurt people-- really hurt them. People who've never done a thing to you. Doesn't matter if you have or haven't, just have to have that bit of venom already in your heart for the Entity to get its hooks in.
[ she's never said any of this to the others, but she's thought about it a lot, because otherwise why them? why joey and susie when neither of them are close to as unhinged or vicious as she and frank? when some of those survivors must have significant body counts and were probably much quicker to kill than any of them ever were before this place. it's what makes sense. ]
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The right kind of anger. [ His isn't good enough, he thinks. But then she continues and he picks his head up to look at her, the worrying his bottom lip in thought. No. He was right. His anger really isn't good enough. He doesn't have that in him. Venom and anger and hate but it's not unbiased, it's not uncontrolled that it'll hit a bystander. His heart would break if he hurt someone that never deserved it. Theirs would not. That's the difference, he supposes. There's a harsh reality to this that. Julie has that willingness.
Susie has that, it turns out. ]
Fuck. Okay. [ He rubs his face with one hand and looks off, drinking deeply from it as if that'll damper the discomfort and unease and everything. He holds it against his chest after stopping, which he might've only had to do to breathe. And just stares at the floor for a moment blinking like he wants to fight tears. Maybe he's always doing that. ]
So... You put a lot of thought into that, didn't you? I've been trying to figure it out. Why it's you that gets the knife but not me? Jill would put a bullet in any of you instantly but she wouldn't hurt someone that didn't deserve it. I didn't have the other side's insli..- [ He grunts and clears his throat. Rubbing his face. ] Insight.
[ He picks at his necklace again, then he's got another drink going. He'll give it back after with a significant dent. ]
I think I'm drunk now.
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[ any further things to say on that topic are cut off by a laugh at quentin's slip, when he admits he's drunk, and julie reaches over to take the bottle back. maybe that's enough for him considering he doesn't usually drink. ]
When's the last time you drank?
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[ He's patting his cheeks to wake himself up now that the alcohol has officially really got to him. He looks at her, face scrunched up and one eye closed. ]
Um. Once here, like when I first got here, with moonshine they found because I thought getting blackout drunk would maybe prevent- [ He gestures at his head and almost slaps himself in the face. He drops his hand quickly. You didn't see that. ] Didn't work. I was just drunk dreaming.
[ He sinks into the chair, snorting. ]
Five or four cakes since then. Cake years. You know how it does the whole cycle and comes back to the cakes? Whatever. And I've only drank like once before getting to this place.
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[ anyway. julie snorts a laugh, a bit surprised. ] Okay, yeah. I'm cutting you off.
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