[ Quentin’s dreamy loving look fades slowly into something confused, for a split second, then incredulous. He’s tired.
Part of him knows, seen the signs, heard of them but it’s been put off. Like sleep. Something that can’t be denied forever. He shakes his head dismissively and rubs at his own face. ]
Look. I know you don’t approve but if you’re about to make something up to get me to back off, it’s not going to work.
No. [ she shakes her head and puts the bottle down. ] Opposite, actually.
[ with a sigh, julie turns to sit side-on in the armchair, knees pulled up and feet wedged in the corner. the temptation to keep drinking is there, but she's only just edging over into tipsy and she'd rather have her head on straight. ]
Would I rather you two didn't get together? Yeah, I haven't been fucking subtle about it. But ending it now would just hurt her even worse than it never happening to begin with, I'm not gonna try and make you do that. [ she shrugs a shoulder ] As if I could anyway.
[ julie looks at quentin, frowning. ]
But you can't hold on to this idealised version of her. The darkness goes deep in all of us, I know for a fact she's been doing her best to hide that from you.
[ 'opposite, actually'. it makes him look at her very carefully, squinting his eyes in deep thought. giving his full attention -- or as full as it can be through perpetual exhaustion and what's bordering on half a bottle on his end. it did wake him up a bit. ]
Okay... [ He nods, in understanding. In agreement. Yeah, she couldn't break them up. He's serious about this. And it would just hurt Susie for her friend to try to do that or if she actually got Quentin off. Susie doesn't need that.
But idealized? He's frowning back, something tense and cautious now. ]
...She's hiding that it- [ He spins two fingers by his temple. ] Gets to her a lot more than she's telling me. She says she's fine but I know it's not true. But that's not her darkness, right? It puts that in there.
[ julie raises her eyebrows, gives quentin a look as if to say 'what do you think?' because there's no way he's actually this naïve, right? ]
There's a reason we're killers, Smith. [ she's sure susie's told him how they got here, but with what she's seen and learned julie doesn't think any of them would be killers if it wasn't already in them. janitor or not. ] It can twist it, amplify it, but it can't change what's inside us.
[ No, not naïve. Hopelessly repressing negative thoughts and spiraling himself into denial of the horrific realities before him? Sure. But he doesn't believe they're good first bad second. Susie made it sound like she was forced. ]
The reason was one time and that could be any of us. People can switch sides. It's not a requirement to be stuck like a killer forever. [ Or a survivor but- ] You can't think you're inherently evil, Julie.
Because nobody on your side has ever killed someone? Come on, Quentin.
[ julie rolls her eyes, reaches for the bottle. she's starting to understand how this is her fault, how she encouraged and nurtured something in all of them that turned them into monsters, and she needs quentin to understand that that's a significant part of who susie is. ]
It's not about good or evil, it's about the fact that what we are runs deeper than one awful thing she was part of.
But that's not true. I know for a fact the freakin' war veteran has killed people. The cops probably have. Different circumstances, yeah, but that's still...
[ grasping at straws. he trails off himself and huffs. he wishes she didn't just grab the bottle or he'd be chugging it right now. quentin's fidgeting in his seat and ends up messing around with his necklace again. he leans back, bouncing a leg, looking up at the ceiling of the lodge -- or the big gaping hole in the roof. ]
What are you then? If you say 'killers' I'm telling you to shut up.
I mean. [ she raises her eyebrows to say yeah, but doesn't actually say it. tipping her head back with a deeper drink from the bottle as she thinks about what to say to that, and offers it over to quentin. ]
People with the right kind of anger and malice for the Entity to use? [ she looks down at her knees, thinking. frowning. pulls at a stray thread. this is almost certainly saying too much, but... it's for susie. ] I think... There has to be a part of you already willing to hurt people-- really hurt them. People who've never done a thing to you. Doesn't matter if you have or haven't, just have to have that bit of venom already in your heart for the Entity to get its hooks in.
[ she's never said any of this to the others, but she's thought about it a lot, because otherwise why them? why joey and susie when neither of them are close to as unhinged or vicious as she and frank? when some of those survivors must have significant body counts and were probably much quicker to kill than any of them ever were before this place. it's what makes sense. ]
[ his eyes roll back at her raised eyebrows. but it doesn't need to be said. the bottle is taken as soon as it's offered and he holds it, looking at her carefully while she answers him. ]
The right kind of anger. [ His isn't good enough, he thinks. But then she continues and he picks his head up to look at her, the worrying his bottom lip in thought. No. He was right. His anger really isn't good enough. He doesn't have that in him. Venom and anger and hate but it's not unbiased, it's not uncontrolled that it'll hit a bystander. His heart would break if he hurt someone that never deserved it. Theirs would not. That's the difference, he supposes. There's a harsh reality to this that. Julie has that willingness.
Susie has that, it turns out. ]
Fuck. Okay. [ He rubs his face with one hand and looks off, drinking deeply from it as if that'll damper the discomfort and unease and everything. He holds it against his chest after stopping, which he might've only had to do to breathe. And just stares at the floor for a moment blinking like he wants to fight tears. Maybe he's always doing that. ]
So... You put a lot of thought into that, didn't you? I've been trying to figure it out. Why it's you that gets the knife but not me? Jill would put a bullet in any of you instantly but she wouldn't hurt someone that didn't deserve it. I didn't have the other side's insli..- [ He grunts and clears his throat. Rubbing his face. ] Insight.
[ He picks at his necklace again, then he's got another drink going. He'll give it back after with a significant dent. ]
[ any further things to say on that topic are cut off by a laugh at quentin's slip, when he admits he's drunk, and julie reaches over to take the bottle back. maybe that's enough for him considering he doesn't usually drink. ]
[ He's patting his cheeks to wake himself up now that the alcohol has officially really got to him. He looks at her, face scrunched up and one eye closed. ]
Um. Once here, like when I first got here, with moonshine they found because I thought getting blackout drunk would maybe prevent- [ He gestures at his head and almost slaps himself in the face. He drops his hand quickly. You didn't see that. ] Didn't work. I was just drunk dreaming.
[ He sinks into the chair, snorting. ]
Five or four cakes since then. Cake years. You know how it does the whole cycle and comes back to the cakes? Whatever. And I've only drank like once before getting to this place.
Oh. [ she gets he doesn't drink now because of freddy, but julie really would've thought he drank more in high school. then again not everybody was throwing and/or going to every party they could just to distract from how fucking miserable they and most of the kids in their town were. ]
[ anyway. julie snorts a laugh, a bit surprised. ] Okay, yeah. I'm cutting you off.
[ Quentin was the designated driver. Because he had the car. Not the most responsible one in the group but he wasn't interested in being drunk what with the whole ADHD medication that said drinking with it worsened symptoms. Oops. There were parties but he's a nice kid that would much rather have a Sprite. ]
No. [ That came a little whined out. ] I'm fine. I can handle it. I've been way more fucked up than any sorta drunk. [ He's reaching for that bottle. Grabby hand. ]
[ Ow.. He pulls it back and glares at her for a second over it then shakes his head. ]
But you don't have to deal with it. I've got so many things for pain. [ He puts a hand in his pockets like he'll prove it to make a point and- ] Oh. I emptied these before I got here. [ He throws a hand up in frustration. Then drops it. And folds his arms. He gives up. ]
Okay. Fine. I wouldn't want you all hungover either.
If you think I'm bitchy now... [ she trails off with a small laugh and takes a drink from the bottle. ] But that's Frank's problem.
[ it's not really, julie tries not to dump her problems in anyone's lap — even his — especially not when they're problems of her own making, but it's a funny thought right. frank having to deal with julie while she's hungover and bitchy as hell. ]
I don't think you're bitchy right now. [ He tips in his seat and shifts position in it, going vertically across it now, legs over the arm of the chair and head resting on the other arm. He keeps his arms folded. ]
You're being kind of cool. Telling me, like, horrible things about Susie's inner darkness that I have to think about. But that's not changing how I feel. That's... I'll think about it later. [ He looks at her, upside down ] Do you need to bitch? I'll listen. Or I'll bitch. [ He holds a hand up, middle finger up. ] Fuck this hole in your ceiling.
[ maybe it's the fact that that's so unexpected, or how much vodka is currently in her system, but that gets a genuine laugh out of julie. sudden and short, but no less real, and she shakes her head. ]
What did you mean before, people can switch sides?
[ she just remembered he said that, like part of her mind completely blocked it out until just now. asking the question comes with a bit of discomfort behind the eye, like the start of a headache, but the words are out of her mouth now. suck it, entity. ]
[ she laughs and he smiles at her, pleased and amused. happy to hear it. then he's thinking. There's a pause where he yawns and covers his mouth before answering. he picks his head up after doing it and starts picking at his nails out of some habit to wake himself up. ]
I keep collecting these pages and stuff? You know. I'm up all night so I just read everything I get my hands on. One said one of you, one of the killers, used to be on our side. So I keeping thinking, why not the other way around?
[ He raises his brows at her, expression hopeful. ]
[ it takes longer than she'd like to parse what quentin's saying, partially because of the alcohol, partially because of the noise in the back of her head. it's obvious when she's got it, her eyes widening for a brief moment before her expression settles into a thoughtful frown. ]
[ there might be something to it if the entity wants her to stop listening this badly. ]
Maybe... [ she presses the heel of her palm to her eye as the noise dies off, trying to focus. ] Going that way's probably harder than the other though, right?
[ Quentin's watching her going from picking to biting one of his nails. ]
Maybe! Does your head hurt? [ She looks like she's having a harder time being awake than he is suddenly, he thinks. Maybe she was the lightweight the whole time. If he weren't drunk, he'd probably be thinking harder about it. ] Well, yeah. Going insane and snapping would be way easier than reeling in murderous impulses probably. But not impossible.
I guess you don't know since you-you...- [ He points at her. ] Haven't really tried.
I'm fine. [ she shakes her head. could a person with a headache do that!? ]
[ she pulls a bit of a face at his finger though, a frown of deep offence like one might at being told off by a parent, but relaxes and looks at his face with a bit of a shrug. ]
Yeah. I'm not really interested in switching sides.
Susie says that all the time. [ He's not thinking hard about it but he blurts it out. Because it's true. ] Liaaaar. [ He sighs, switches the nail he's biting before he chews it off. ]
Thas tuh- [ Nail out of the mouth. ] That's the problem though. That's why we don't have proof it works. Nobody would be interested in this. Why would any of you guys want to switch sides? You get power, a place to sleep that's not a cheap tent, and pizza. I get murdered sometimes up to twelve times on a daily basis, I have two shirts which often have buckets of blood dumped on them, and then there's every time I-
[ He shakes his head, rocking in his seat and yawning again. Then patting his pockets like he's looking for-- Oh right. He emptied those. Second time he's forgot. ] Who the fuck would wanna come to this side? It's awful. [ He covers his face with his hands. ] I'm not enough to convince anyone to do that.
[ oh, is she gonna have to reassure him? julie kind of stalls for a second — being nice isn't exactly natural for her, and right now it takes some active mental processing to remember how to do it. ]
I don't know if that's true. [ she leans her head against the back of her chair, frown back on her face as she thinks about her words. ] I wasn't joking when I said she'd skin me if I hurt you.
[ back to picking at her jeans, there's a lot of thoughts that won't fully form. won't connect. little fragments based on things she knows or believes, but they don't mean anything on their own. ]
[ julie sighs. ] Anyway. Not like any of us even know where to start with that kind of thing.
[ his hand moves down his face enough to look at her over the tips of his fingers, looking utterly confused she's reassuring him on this. He rubs his arm then, hanging his head but looking at her still. ][ He trails off, having difficulty formulating his thoughts. ] The um- Protecting someone else is good on our end so that- Maybe. It tallies up? [ Does that make any sense? Sounds like it does to him. He thinks for a moment, ends up mirroring her by picking at his own jeans. He shrugs. ] Thanks. [ For trying. ]
Can you guys go in the hatch? Maybe she can jump in with me. See where it goes. I know there's a block for the, uh... the... exit. It gets those spikes. But that never has any.
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[ Quentin’s dreamy loving look fades slowly into something confused, for a split second, then incredulous. He’s tired.
Part of him knows, seen the signs, heard of them but it’s been put off. Like sleep. Something that can’t be denied forever. He shakes his head dismissively and rubs at his own face. ]
Look. I know you don’t approve but if you’re about to make something up to get me to back off, it’s not going to work.
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[ with a sigh, julie turns to sit side-on in the armchair, knees pulled up and feet wedged in the corner. the temptation to keep drinking is there, but she's only just edging over into tipsy and she'd rather have her head on straight. ]
Would I rather you two didn't get together? Yeah, I haven't been fucking subtle about it. But ending it now would just hurt her even worse than it never happening to begin with, I'm not gonna try and make you do that. [ she shrugs a shoulder ] As if I could anyway.
[ julie looks at quentin, frowning. ]
But you can't hold on to this idealised version of her. The darkness goes deep in all of us, I know for a fact she's been doing her best to hide that from you.
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Okay... [ He nods, in understanding. In agreement. Yeah, she couldn't break them up. He's serious about this. And it would just hurt Susie for her friend to try to do that or if she actually got Quentin off. Susie doesn't need that.
But idealized? He's frowning back, something tense and cautious now. ]
...She's hiding that it- [ He spins two fingers by his temple. ] Gets to her a lot more than she's telling me. She says she's fine but I know it's not true. But that's not her darkness, right? It puts that in there.
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There's a reason we're killers, Smith. [ she's sure susie's told him how they got here, but with what she's seen and learned julie doesn't think any of them would be killers if it wasn't already in them. janitor or not. ] It can twist it, amplify it, but it can't change what's inside us.
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The reason was one time and that could be any of us. People can switch sides. It's not a requirement to be stuck like a killer forever. [ Or a survivor but- ] You can't think you're inherently evil, Julie.
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[ julie rolls her eyes, reaches for the bottle. she's starting to understand how this is her fault, how she encouraged and nurtured something in all of them that turned them into monsters, and she needs quentin to understand that that's a significant part of who susie is. ]
It's not about good or evil, it's about the fact that what we are runs deeper than one awful thing she was part of.
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[ grasping at straws. he trails off himself and huffs. he wishes she didn't just grab the bottle or he'd be chugging it right now. quentin's fidgeting in his seat and ends up messing around with his necklace again. he leans back, bouncing a leg, looking up at the ceiling of the lodge -- or the big gaping hole in the roof. ]
What are you then? If you say 'killers' I'm telling you to shut up.
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People with the right kind of anger and malice for the Entity to use? [ she looks down at her knees, thinking. frowning. pulls at a stray thread. this is almost certainly saying too much, but... it's for susie. ] I think... There has to be a part of you already willing to hurt people-- really hurt them. People who've never done a thing to you. Doesn't matter if you have or haven't, just have to have that bit of venom already in your heart for the Entity to get its hooks in.
[ she's never said any of this to the others, but she's thought about it a lot, because otherwise why them? why joey and susie when neither of them are close to as unhinged or vicious as she and frank? when some of those survivors must have significant body counts and were probably much quicker to kill than any of them ever were before this place. it's what makes sense. ]
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The right kind of anger. [ His isn't good enough, he thinks. But then she continues and he picks his head up to look at her, the worrying his bottom lip in thought. No. He was right. His anger really isn't good enough. He doesn't have that in him. Venom and anger and hate but it's not unbiased, it's not uncontrolled that it'll hit a bystander. His heart would break if he hurt someone that never deserved it. Theirs would not. That's the difference, he supposes. There's a harsh reality to this that. Julie has that willingness.
Susie has that, it turns out. ]
Fuck. Okay. [ He rubs his face with one hand and looks off, drinking deeply from it as if that'll damper the discomfort and unease and everything. He holds it against his chest after stopping, which he might've only had to do to breathe. And just stares at the floor for a moment blinking like he wants to fight tears. Maybe he's always doing that. ]
So... You put a lot of thought into that, didn't you? I've been trying to figure it out. Why it's you that gets the knife but not me? Jill would put a bullet in any of you instantly but she wouldn't hurt someone that didn't deserve it. I didn't have the other side's insli..- [ He grunts and clears his throat. Rubbing his face. ] Insight.
[ He picks at his necklace again, then he's got another drink going. He'll give it back after with a significant dent. ]
I think I'm drunk now.
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[ any further things to say on that topic are cut off by a laugh at quentin's slip, when he admits he's drunk, and julie reaches over to take the bottle back. maybe that's enough for him considering he doesn't usually drink. ]
When's the last time you drank?
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[ He's patting his cheeks to wake himself up now that the alcohol has officially really got to him. He looks at her, face scrunched up and one eye closed. ]
Um. Once here, like when I first got here, with moonshine they found because I thought getting blackout drunk would maybe prevent- [ He gestures at his head and almost slaps himself in the face. He drops his hand quickly. You didn't see that. ] Didn't work. I was just drunk dreaming.
[ He sinks into the chair, snorting. ]
Five or four cakes since then. Cake years. You know how it does the whole cycle and comes back to the cakes? Whatever. And I've only drank like once before getting to this place.
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[ anyway. julie snorts a laugh, a bit surprised. ] Okay, yeah. I'm cutting you off.
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No. [ That came a little whined out. ] I'm fine. I can handle it. I've been way more fucked up than any sorta drunk. [ He's reaching for that bottle. Grabby hand. ]
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You're gonna be so fucking hungover, I'm not dealing with it.
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But you don't have to deal with it. I've got so many things for pain. [ He puts a hand in his pockets like he'll prove it to make a point and- ] Oh. I emptied these before I got here. [ He throws a hand up in frustration. Then drops it. And folds his arms. He gives up. ]
Okay. Fine. I wouldn't want you all hungover either.
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[ it's not really, julie tries not to dump her problems in anyone's lap — even his — especially not when they're problems of her own making, but it's a funny thought right. frank having to deal with julie while she's hungover and bitchy as hell. ]
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You're being kind of cool. Telling me, like, horrible things about Susie's inner darkness that I have to think about. But that's not changing how I feel. That's... I'll think about it later. [ He looks at her, upside down ] Do you need to bitch? I'll listen. Or I'll bitch. [ He holds a hand up, middle finger up. ] Fuck this hole in your ceiling.
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What did you mean before, people can switch sides?
[ she just remembered he said that, like part of her mind completely blocked it out until just now. asking the question comes with a bit of discomfort behind the eye, like the start of a headache, but the words are out of her mouth now. suck it, entity. ]
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I keep collecting these pages and stuff? You know. I'm up all night so I just read everything I get my hands on. One said one of you, one of the killers, used to be on our side. So I keeping thinking, why not the other way around?
[ He raises his brows at her, expression hopeful. ]
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[ there might be something to it if the entity wants her to stop listening this badly. ]
Maybe... [ she presses the heel of her palm to her eye as the noise dies off, trying to focus. ] Going that way's probably harder than the other though, right?
[ hm ]
Or maybe not. The fuck do I know?
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Maybe! Does your head hurt? [ She looks like she's having a harder time being awake than he is suddenly, he thinks. Maybe she was the lightweight the whole time. If he weren't drunk, he'd probably be thinking harder about it. ] Well, yeah. Going insane and snapping would be way easier than reeling in murderous impulses probably. But not impossible.
I guess you don't know since you-you...- [ He points at her. ] Haven't really tried.
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[ she pulls a bit of a face at his finger though, a frown of deep offence like one might at being told off by a parent, but relaxes and looks at his face with a bit of a shrug. ]
Yeah. I'm not really interested in switching sides.
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Thas tuh- [ Nail out of the mouth. ] That's the problem though. That's why we don't have proof it works. Nobody would be interested in this. Why would any of you guys want to switch sides? You get power, a place to sleep that's not a cheap tent, and pizza. I get murdered sometimes up to twelve times on a daily basis, I have two shirts which often have buckets of blood dumped on them, and then there's every time I-
[ He shakes his head, rocking in his seat and yawning again. Then patting his pockets like he's looking for-- Oh right. He emptied those. Second time he's forgot. ] Who the fuck would wanna come to this side? It's awful. [ He covers his face with his hands. ] I'm not enough to convince anyone to do that.
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I don't know if that's true. [ she leans her head against the back of her chair, frown back on her face as she thinks about her words. ] I wasn't joking when I said she'd skin me if I hurt you.
[ back to picking at her jeans, there's a lot of thoughts that won't fully form. won't connect. little fragments based on things she knows or believes, but they don't mean anything on their own. ]
[ julie sighs. ] Anyway. Not like any of us even know where to start with that kind of thing.
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Can you guys go in the hatch? Maybe she can jump in with me. See where it goes. I know there's a block for the, uh... the... exit. It gets those spikes. But that never has any.
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