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[ again, the quiet enthusiasm doesn't go unnoticed. neither does her subtle attempt to stifle it, and if eddie furrows his eyebrows a little bit for a moment as he looks at her, it's only because he's curious. it's only because he wonders why, presumably, she feels like she needs to water part of herself down. but then again, maybe he's reading her wrong. eddie's only just barely started getting to know her, but it's not as if he'll be going anywhere anytime soon. there's still time to figure it out.
just as quickly as it comes, the pinch in his brows smooths and disappears, and when julie offers him a chance to listen to her music, he perks up a little. sits up a bit, even, and uses the heel of his sneaker to push himself an inch or two back until his shoulders bump the wall behind him. ]
Yeah. [ if his eagerness matches julie's initial eagerness from earlier, it's purely coincidental. eddie twists slightly, turning more toward her. he takes a quick hit off his joint, tilts his chin down this time to exhale into the space between them, and then nods his head once, twice. ] Yeah, sure. 'Course I do.
just as quickly as it comes, the pinch in his brows smooths and disappears, and when julie offers him a chance to listen to her music, he perks up a little. sits up a bit, even, and uses the heel of his sneaker to push himself an inch or two back until his shoulders bump the wall behind him. ]
Yeah. [ if his eagerness matches julie's initial eagerness from earlier, it's purely coincidental. eddie twists slightly, turning more toward her. he takes a quick hit off his joint, tilts his chin down this time to exhale into the space between them, and then nods his head once, twice. ] Yeah, sure. 'Course I do.
[ there's really only one person she's ever felt like she could be fully herself with, even with susie and joey she still tones things down sometimes, and she's still feeling around the edges with eddie. the only survivor she trusts even a little is quentin (and if anyone tells him she'll kill them) and that's largely through continued exposure to his relentless need to be helpful. eddie's not the same, but he's disarming in similar ways. she doesn't know if she can trust that yet. ]
[ his eagerness to listen to her music helps though. julie sits up and reaches for her walkman. ] Okay-- hang on. [ the smile doesn't come back, but it's obvious in the way she quickly perches the joint between her lips so her hands are free to put on her headphones and hold the walkman that she's a little giddy still. ]
[ quick bursts of songs filter out of her headphones as she rewinds the tape, starting and stopping and looking for a song she thinks eddie will like, lips downturned in concentration around her joint and hair falling in her face as she leans forward. this is important, after all. ]
[ once she's found it, she turns fully toward eddie and holds out the headphones for him to take. all queued up with stone temple pilots' wicked garden for him once he's ready. ]
[ his eagerness to listen to her music helps though. julie sits up and reaches for her walkman. ] Okay-- hang on. [ the smile doesn't come back, but it's obvious in the way she quickly perches the joint between her lips so her hands are free to put on her headphones and hold the walkman that she's a little giddy still. ]
[ quick bursts of songs filter out of her headphones as she rewinds the tape, starting and stopping and looking for a song she thinks eddie will like, lips downturned in concentration around her joint and hair falling in her face as she leans forward. this is important, after all. ]
[ once she's found it, she turns fully toward eddie and holds out the headphones for him to take. all queued up with stone temple pilots' wicked garden for him once he's ready. ]
That’s so strange…
[ You guys can get tomes?
The mask comes off and there he goes, looking at her like he’s studying some kind of painting with a curious little smile on. Quentin at least as the foresight to look away after a second instead of outright staring like he had with Susie. Julie wouldn’t even take that off for a head injury that the strap might be rubbing against.
Quentin’s paying attention but he doesn’t know Julie. Not really. Any forcing she’s doing goes unnoticed for the most part. ]
Maybe I’m spending too much thinking about it…
[ He’s been thinking about it since he got here. Why it does things. Why him? Why then? Why why why why-
He smiles in thanks and takes the bottle, his drink deep. He makes another face at the alcohol but it’s better than the first two drinks he had now. ]
Can I ask why doesn’t your mask get a mouth?
[ You guys can get tomes?
The mask comes off and there he goes, looking at her like he’s studying some kind of painting with a curious little smile on. Quentin at least as the foresight to look away after a second instead of outright staring like he had with Susie. Julie wouldn’t even take that off for a head injury that the strap might be rubbing against.
Quentin’s paying attention but he doesn’t know Julie. Not really. Any forcing she’s doing goes unnoticed for the most part. ]
Maybe I’m spending too much thinking about it…
[ He’s been thinking about it since he got here. Why it does things. Why him? Why then? Why why why why-
He smiles in thanks and takes the bottle, his drink deep. He makes another face at the alcohol but it’s better than the first two drinks he had now. ]
Can I ask why doesn’t your mask get a mouth?
[ hang on he does. eddie only watches julie for a second or two as she starts to search through the tape before his gaze starts to wander. mostly around the office, though there's nothing really that interesting or unfamiliar to him, nothing that really catches or holds his attention as much as the tinny sound of music and the low whrrr in between as julie stops and rewinds, stops and rewinds.
eventually, his eyes drift back to her. to the way her hair's falling in her face a little bit, how... normal she looks. he didn't think it'd be weird, seeing her without the mask, and it isn't weird, not necessarily, but it's just - odd. how the person sitting next to him and the person who chases him around sometimes with a knife in hand and their face behind a mask feel like two different people. but maybe that's the point.
when julie turns toward him, eddie feels a little bit like he's been caught and instinctively and very quickly drops his gaze away from her face and down to her hands, where the headphones are waiting. eddie makes a quiet sound, just a quick hum of a low note, and tucks his spliff between the pinch of his lips to free up his hands. he takes the headphones and puts them on, his hair only getting in the way just slightly, but he deliberately leaves one side of the headphones halfway off an ear. this way, he can listen to the music and still listen to julie at the same time, and also not accidentally yell because he can't hear himself.
eddie gives her a brief nod to let her know he's good to go and she can play the tape. when the song starts, there's no immediate reaction aside form the subtle tilt of his head, like he's really trying to listen and pay attention. at around the fifteen second mark though, he lifts his head, looks over at julie and raises his eyebrows slightly. it's not bad once the guitar really comes in. he murmurs a quiet oh, shit, mildly impressed, but otherwise holds his commentary, because he can hardly pass fair judgement based on the first twenty seconds.
as he listens though, he keeps looking at julie. doesn't stare at her, because that's a little creepy, but it's clear the more the song goes on that he's pretty decently impressed. nods his head a bit with it once he picks up the general rhythm, taps his fingers against his knee with a rhythmic laziness, less like he's following the drums and more like he's working something else out.
when it seems like the song's coming to an end, he takes another puff from his joint and moves the headphone that's already halfway off just a bit more away from the shell of his ear. he turns his head away to empty his lungs, and when he turns back, he's got a lopsided smile on his face. ]
... Well. Shit. Not gonna lie - that was pretty good. [ not as hard as some of the shit he listens to, but not far off. ] This is - Nirvana?
[ forgive him. he'll learn. ]
eventually, his eyes drift back to her. to the way her hair's falling in her face a little bit, how... normal she looks. he didn't think it'd be weird, seeing her without the mask, and it isn't weird, not necessarily, but it's just - odd. how the person sitting next to him and the person who chases him around sometimes with a knife in hand and their face behind a mask feel like two different people. but maybe that's the point.
when julie turns toward him, eddie feels a little bit like he's been caught and instinctively and very quickly drops his gaze away from her face and down to her hands, where the headphones are waiting. eddie makes a quiet sound, just a quick hum of a low note, and tucks his spliff between the pinch of his lips to free up his hands. he takes the headphones and puts them on, his hair only getting in the way just slightly, but he deliberately leaves one side of the headphones halfway off an ear. this way, he can listen to the music and still listen to julie at the same time, and also not accidentally yell because he can't hear himself.
eddie gives her a brief nod to let her know he's good to go and she can play the tape. when the song starts, there's no immediate reaction aside form the subtle tilt of his head, like he's really trying to listen and pay attention. at around the fifteen second mark though, he lifts his head, looks over at julie and raises his eyebrows slightly. it's not bad once the guitar really comes in. he murmurs a quiet oh, shit, mildly impressed, but otherwise holds his commentary, because he can hardly pass fair judgement based on the first twenty seconds.
as he listens though, he keeps looking at julie. doesn't stare at her, because that's a little creepy, but it's clear the more the song goes on that he's pretty decently impressed. nods his head a bit with it once he picks up the general rhythm, taps his fingers against his knee with a rhythmic laziness, less like he's following the drums and more like he's working something else out.
when it seems like the song's coming to an end, he takes another puff from his joint and moves the headphone that's already halfway off just a bit more away from the shell of his ear. he turns his head away to empty his lungs, and when he turns back, he's got a lopsided smile on his face. ]
... Well. Shit. Not gonna lie - that was pretty good. [ not as hard as some of the shit he listens to, but not far off. ] This is - Nirvana?
[ forgive him. he'll learn. ]
I have more than one mask.
[ it's immediate, a little "duh" in tone, but julie looks at her mask on the coffee table and its X mouth with a thoughtful frown. Maybe there's something to it — a face with no mouth for a girl who spent almost her whole life feeling like she could never say what was on her mind except to the rest of legion, like they were the only people she could be herself around — but even if she was willing to do that kind of introspection, julie's certainly not willing to say that much to quentin. ]
[ she shrugs a shoulder ] Maybe I just really liked Miffy.
[ it's immediate, a little "duh" in tone, but julie looks at her mask on the coffee table and its X mouth with a thoughtful frown. Maybe there's something to it — a face with no mouth for a girl who spent almost her whole life feeling like she could never say what was on her mind except to the rest of legion, like they were the only people she could be herself around — but even if she was willing to do that kind of introspection, julie's certainly not willing to say that much to quentin. ]
[ she shrugs a shoulder ] Maybe I just really liked Miffy.
[ eddie's so expressive, it makes him genuinely hard to look away from, like she can hear every thought he has about the song based on whatever his face is doing at any given moment. it's always exciting to see someone listen to a song you're showing them for the first time, and julie feels like she can tell exactly which bits really get him into it just from the tilt of his head or the way he raises his eyebrows. almost laughing when he lets out that little impressed murmur once the guitar really kicks in. ]
[ it's the only tape she has, well that and her trial mix, so julie knows every song back to font. could probably tell what part of the song eddie's on just from the tinny drum fill and guitar that filters out through his hair. a couple of times, when she's turning her head to blow out smoke and not paying attention, she mouths silently along to the words, closes her eyes and nods along to the beat. ]
[ when it ends she stops the tape so eddie's not immediately attacked by courtney love's off-key singing following it up, smile small but genuine when he says it's good. though when he asks if it's nirvana, well. it's a totally understandable mistake, but a slightly surprised laugh bubbles out of julie anyway and she shakes her head. ] Stone Temple Pilots. I thought they'd be more your speed.
[ it's the only tape she has, well that and her trial mix, so julie knows every song back to font. could probably tell what part of the song eddie's on just from the tinny drum fill and guitar that filters out through his hair. a couple of times, when she's turning her head to blow out smoke and not paying attention, she mouths silently along to the words, closes her eyes and nods along to the beat. ]
[ when it ends she stops the tape so eddie's not immediately attacked by courtney love's off-key singing following it up, smile small but genuine when he says it's good. though when he asks if it's nirvana, well. it's a totally understandable mistake, but a slightly surprised laugh bubbles out of julie anyway and she shakes her head. ] Stone Temple Pilots. I thought they'd be more your speed.
But that's your main one that isn't the same as Frank's.
[ an immediate retort, carrying an eye-roll because she knows what he meant. he waits for a response, taking a whole gulp out of the bottle again before putting it down on the table where she can easily reach it. drinking with julie: he sure meant it.
quentin leans back in the chair then raising an eyebrow. ]
What's Miffy? Is that a cartoon?
[ an immediate retort, carrying an eye-roll because she knows what he meant. he waits for a response, taking a whole gulp out of the bottle again before putting it down on the table where she can easily reach it. drinking with julie: he sure meant it.
quentin leans back in the chair then raising an eyebrow. ]
What's Miffy? Is that a cartoon?
[ "maybe frank's is the same as mine" is right there on the tip of her tongue, but julie doesn't say it. it's a stupid, pointless argument to make, but she does frown anyway, however briefly. ]
Yeah, she was a [ she lifts her hands to either side of her head, two fingers pointed up on each in a mime for ears ] bunny with a little cross for a mouth.
Yeah, she was a [ she lifts her hands to either side of her head, two fingers pointed up on each in a mime for ears ] bunny with a little cross for a mouth.
I don't think the Entity's gonna go for us making alterations to its designs.
[ julie reaches for the bottle and takes a drink, holding it in her lap while she thinks. there's only one thing to do with quentin she's particularly interested in though. ]
So. [ immediate topic change. ] You and Suze are official now, eh?
[ julie reaches for the bottle and takes a drink, holding it in her lap while she thinks. there's only one thing to do with quentin she's particularly interested in though. ]
So. [ immediate topic change. ] You and Suze are official now, eh?
Oh, I thought you might have had better luck since it likes you guys more. I tried messing with my outfit a couple of times just to see. Rip the sleeves and shit. It said "no".
[ There's that topic. Quentin, in response, raises his shoulders up with a silly lovestruck smile on his face that reaches his eyes. Head dips and nods. There's no denial here. ]
Yeah. All official now. Susie's the best.
[ There's that topic. Quentin, in response, raises his shoulders up with a silly lovestruck smile on his face that reaches his eyes. Head dips and nods. There's no denial here. ]
Yeah. All official now. Susie's the best.
[ oh jesus, that's adorable. part of her wishes they could've met in the real world, he would've been good for her, she thinks. julie thinks about the shy, meek girl susie was and kind of hates that a guy like quentin would've been perfect for her. awkward too, but friendly, outgoing. kind. ]
[ it makes it harder to be mad about their relationship, and julie thinks it's still stupid as hell for susie to fall in with a survivor — she's much too soft, lets it shift her priorities — but there's nothing julie can do about it. she can... try to help, though. because she doubts quentin's really got a good idea how dark it can get for them and if he wants to be with susie he needs to be prepared for that. ]
God, look at you. [ it's lightly teasing, and julie takes a deeper drink and puts the bottle on the table. ]. The best, huh? Even when she gets mad?
[ it makes it harder to be mad about their relationship, and julie thinks it's still stupid as hell for susie to fall in with a survivor — she's much too soft, lets it shift her priorities — but there's nothing julie can do about it. she can... try to help, though. because she doubts quentin's really got a good idea how dark it can get for them and if he wants to be with susie he needs to be prepared for that. ]
God, look at you. [ it's lightly teasing, and julie takes a deeper drink and puts the bottle on the table. ]. The best, huh? Even when she gets mad?
[ he always wishes he could've met people in the real world. nice kind susie with her fun style who clicks with him better than nancy did. so full of life. doesn't sugar coat anything she says to him (he thinks...). he would've loved to do things with her. everything and anything.
quentin has the inkling of how dark it is. he knows there's consequences but susie always keeps reassuring him it's nothing too serious, nothing she can't handle - but he knows she's lying, just not how hard. he knows susie has an edge to her he doesn't get to see but vastly underestimates it. thinks there's never any enjoyment to it.
maybe the buzz has him extra smiley about the topic of susie, his new favorite subject. ]
Yeah. I get mad too. [ He makes a bit of a face. ] Really mad. It's fine. [ He sighs, back to smiling. ] Mad or happy or sad or just completely rolling on those never sleep pills you have or giving me a jab so I stop getting in her way. She's the best still.
quentin has the inkling of how dark it is. he knows there's consequences but susie always keeps reassuring him it's nothing too serious, nothing she can't handle - but he knows she's lying, just not how hard. he knows susie has an edge to her he doesn't get to see but vastly underestimates it. thinks there's never any enjoyment to it.
maybe the buzz has him extra smiley about the topic of susie, his new favorite subject. ]
Yeah. I get mad too. [ He makes a bit of a face. ] Really mad. It's fine. [ He sighs, back to smiling. ] Mad or happy or sad or just completely rolling on those never sleep pills you have or giving me a jab so I stop getting in her way. She's the best still.
Oh.
[ he hasn't seen it. it gets bad, really bad. susie has a lot of anger in her, and having the power to really take that out on someone, to really rip into someone and make them hurt... ]
[ does she say something? does she leave it be? julie presses her lips together in a frown. ]
That's, um. It gets worse. A lot worse.
[ he hasn't seen it. it gets bad, really bad. susie has a lot of anger in her, and having the power to really take that out on someone, to really rip into someone and make them hurt... ]
[ does she say something? does she leave it be? julie presses her lips together in a frown. ]
That's, um. It gets worse. A lot worse.
Edited (lmfao dropped my phone and it posted) 2022-10-19 22:42 (UTC)
What do you mean?
[ Quentin’s dreamy loving look fades slowly into something confused, for a split second, then incredulous. He’s tired.
Part of him knows, seen the signs, heard of them but it’s been put off. Like sleep. Something that can’t be denied forever. He shakes his head dismissively and rubs at his own face. ]
Look. I know you don’t approve but if you’re about to make something up to get me to back off, it’s not going to work.
[ Quentin’s dreamy loving look fades slowly into something confused, for a split second, then incredulous. He’s tired.
Part of him knows, seen the signs, heard of them but it’s been put off. Like sleep. Something that can’t be denied forever. He shakes his head dismissively and rubs at his own face. ]
Look. I know you don’t approve but if you’re about to make something up to get me to back off, it’s not going to work.
No. [ she shakes her head and puts the bottle down. ] Opposite, actually.
[ with a sigh, julie turns to sit side-on in the armchair, knees pulled up and feet wedged in the corner. the temptation to keep drinking is there, but she's only just edging over into tipsy and she'd rather have her head on straight. ]
Would I rather you two didn't get together? Yeah, I haven't been fucking subtle about it. But ending it now would just hurt her even worse than it never happening to begin with, I'm not gonna try and make you do that. [ she shrugs a shoulder ] As if I could anyway.
[ julie looks at quentin, frowning. ]
But you can't hold on to this idealised version of her. The darkness goes deep in all of us, I know for a fact she's been doing her best to hide that from you.
[ with a sigh, julie turns to sit side-on in the armchair, knees pulled up and feet wedged in the corner. the temptation to keep drinking is there, but she's only just edging over into tipsy and she'd rather have her head on straight. ]
Would I rather you two didn't get together? Yeah, I haven't been fucking subtle about it. But ending it now would just hurt her even worse than it never happening to begin with, I'm not gonna try and make you do that. [ she shrugs a shoulder ] As if I could anyway.
[ julie looks at quentin, frowning. ]
But you can't hold on to this idealised version of her. The darkness goes deep in all of us, I know for a fact she's been doing her best to hide that from you.
[ 'opposite, actually'. it makes him look at her very carefully, squinting his eyes in deep thought. giving his full attention -- or as full as it can be through perpetual exhaustion and what's bordering on half a bottle on his end. it did wake him up a bit. ]
Okay... [ He nods, in understanding. In agreement. Yeah, she couldn't break them up. He's serious about this. And it would just hurt Susie for her friend to try to do that or if she actually got Quentin off. Susie doesn't need that.
But idealized? He's frowning back, something tense and cautious now. ]
...She's hiding that it- [ He spins two fingers by his temple. ] Gets to her a lot more than she's telling me. She says she's fine but I know it's not true. But that's not her darkness, right? It puts that in there.
Okay... [ He nods, in understanding. In agreement. Yeah, she couldn't break them up. He's serious about this. And it would just hurt Susie for her friend to try to do that or if she actually got Quentin off. Susie doesn't need that.
But idealized? He's frowning back, something tense and cautious now. ]
...She's hiding that it- [ He spins two fingers by his temple. ] Gets to her a lot more than she's telling me. She says she's fine but I know it's not true. But that's not her darkness, right? It puts that in there.
[ julie raises her eyebrows, gives quentin a look as if to say 'what do you think?' because there's no way he's actually this naïve, right? ]
There's a reason we're killers, Smith. [ she's sure susie's told him how they got here, but with what she's seen and learned julie doesn't think any of them would be killers if it wasn't already in them. janitor or not. ] It can twist it, amplify it, but it can't change what's inside us.
There's a reason we're killers, Smith. [ she's sure susie's told him how they got here, but with what she's seen and learned julie doesn't think any of them would be killers if it wasn't already in them. janitor or not. ] It can twist it, amplify it, but it can't change what's inside us.
[ No, not naïve. Hopelessly repressing negative thoughts and spiraling himself into denial of the horrific realities before him? Sure. But he doesn't believe they're good first bad second. Susie made it sound like she was forced. ]
The reason was one time and that could be any of us. People can switch sides. It's not a requirement to be stuck like a killer forever. [ Or a survivor but- ] You can't think you're inherently evil, Julie.
The reason was one time and that could be any of us. People can switch sides. It's not a requirement to be stuck like a killer forever. [ Or a survivor but- ] You can't think you're inherently evil, Julie.
Because nobody on your side has ever killed someone? Come on, Quentin.
[ julie rolls her eyes, reaches for the bottle. she's starting to understand how this is her fault, how she encouraged and nurtured something in all of them that turned them into monsters, and she needs quentin to understand that that's a significant part of who susie is. ]
It's not about good or evil, it's about the fact that what we are runs deeper than one awful thing she was part of.
[ julie rolls her eyes, reaches for the bottle. she's starting to understand how this is her fault, how she encouraged and nurtured something in all of them that turned them into monsters, and she needs quentin to understand that that's a significant part of who susie is. ]
It's not about good or evil, it's about the fact that what we are runs deeper than one awful thing she was part of.
But that's not true. I know for a fact the freakin' war veteran has killed people. The cops probably have. Different circumstances, yeah, but that's still...
[ grasping at straws. he trails off himself and huffs. he wishes she didn't just grab the bottle or he'd be chugging it right now. quentin's fidgeting in his seat and ends up messing around with his necklace again. he leans back, bouncing a leg, looking up at the ceiling of the lodge -- or the big gaping hole in the roof. ]
What are you then? If you say 'killers' I'm telling you to shut up.
[ grasping at straws. he trails off himself and huffs. he wishes she didn't just grab the bottle or he'd be chugging it right now. quentin's fidgeting in his seat and ends up messing around with his necklace again. he leans back, bouncing a leg, looking up at the ceiling of the lodge -- or the big gaping hole in the roof. ]
What are you then? If you say 'killers' I'm telling you to shut up.
I mean. [ she raises her eyebrows to say yeah, but doesn't actually say it. tipping her head back with a deeper drink from the bottle as she thinks about what to say to that, and offers it over to quentin. ]
People with the right kind of anger and malice for the Entity to use? [ she looks down at her knees, thinking. frowning. pulls at a stray thread. this is almost certainly saying too much, but... it's for susie. ] I think... There has to be a part of you already willing to hurt people-- really hurt them. People who've never done a thing to you. Doesn't matter if you have or haven't, just have to have that bit of venom already in your heart for the Entity to get its hooks in.
[ she's never said any of this to the others, but she's thought about it a lot, because otherwise why them? why joey and susie when neither of them are close to as unhinged or vicious as she and frank? when some of those survivors must have significant body counts and were probably much quicker to kill than any of them ever were before this place. it's what makes sense. ]
People with the right kind of anger and malice for the Entity to use? [ she looks down at her knees, thinking. frowning. pulls at a stray thread. this is almost certainly saying too much, but... it's for susie. ] I think... There has to be a part of you already willing to hurt people-- really hurt them. People who've never done a thing to you. Doesn't matter if you have or haven't, just have to have that bit of venom already in your heart for the Entity to get its hooks in.
[ she's never said any of this to the others, but she's thought about it a lot, because otherwise why them? why joey and susie when neither of them are close to as unhinged or vicious as she and frank? when some of those survivors must have significant body counts and were probably much quicker to kill than any of them ever were before this place. it's what makes sense. ]
[ his eyes roll back at her raised eyebrows. but it doesn't need to be said. the bottle is taken as soon as it's offered and he holds it, looking at her carefully while she answers him. ]
The right kind of anger. [ His isn't good enough, he thinks. But then she continues and he picks his head up to look at her, the worrying his bottom lip in thought. No. He was right. His anger really isn't good enough. He doesn't have that in him. Venom and anger and hate but it's not unbiased, it's not uncontrolled that it'll hit a bystander. His heart would break if he hurt someone that never deserved it. Theirs would not. That's the difference, he supposes. There's a harsh reality to this that. Julie has that willingness.
Susie has that, it turns out. ]
Fuck. Okay. [ He rubs his face with one hand and looks off, drinking deeply from it as if that'll damper the discomfort and unease and everything. He holds it against his chest after stopping, which he might've only had to do to breathe. And just stares at the floor for a moment blinking like he wants to fight tears. Maybe he's always doing that. ]
So... You put a lot of thought into that, didn't you? I've been trying to figure it out. Why it's you that gets the knife but not me? Jill would put a bullet in any of you instantly but she wouldn't hurt someone that didn't deserve it. I didn't have the other side's insli..- [ He grunts and clears his throat. Rubbing his face. ] Insight.
[ He picks at his necklace again, then he's got another drink going. He'll give it back after with a significant dent. ]
I think I'm drunk now.
The right kind of anger. [ His isn't good enough, he thinks. But then she continues and he picks his head up to look at her, the worrying his bottom lip in thought. No. He was right. His anger really isn't good enough. He doesn't have that in him. Venom and anger and hate but it's not unbiased, it's not uncontrolled that it'll hit a bystander. His heart would break if he hurt someone that never deserved it. Theirs would not. That's the difference, he supposes. There's a harsh reality to this that. Julie has that willingness.
Susie has that, it turns out. ]
Fuck. Okay. [ He rubs his face with one hand and looks off, drinking deeply from it as if that'll damper the discomfort and unease and everything. He holds it against his chest after stopping, which he might've only had to do to breathe. And just stares at the floor for a moment blinking like he wants to fight tears. Maybe he's always doing that. ]
So... You put a lot of thought into that, didn't you? I've been trying to figure it out. Why it's you that gets the knife but not me? Jill would put a bullet in any of you instantly but she wouldn't hurt someone that didn't deserve it. I didn't have the other side's insli..- [ He grunts and clears his throat. Rubbing his face. ] Insight.
[ He picks at his necklace again, then he's got another drink going. He'll give it back after with a significant dent. ]
I think I'm drunk now.
I've thought about it a lot.
[ any further things to say on that topic are cut off by a laugh at quentin's slip, when he admits he's drunk, and julie reaches over to take the bottle back. maybe that's enough for him considering he doesn't usually drink. ]
When's the last time you drank?
[ any further things to say on that topic are cut off by a laugh at quentin's slip, when he admits he's drunk, and julie reaches over to take the bottle back. maybe that's enough for him considering he doesn't usually drink. ]
When's the last time you drank?
Yeah...
[ He's patting his cheeks to wake himself up now that the alcohol has officially really got to him. He looks at her, face scrunched up and one eye closed. ]
Um. Once here, like when I first got here, with moonshine they found because I thought getting blackout drunk would maybe prevent- [ He gestures at his head and almost slaps himself in the face. He drops his hand quickly. You didn't see that. ] Didn't work. I was just drunk dreaming.
[ He sinks into the chair, snorting. ]
Five or four cakes since then. Cake years. You know how it does the whole cycle and comes back to the cakes? Whatever. And I've only drank like once before getting to this place.
[ He's patting his cheeks to wake himself up now that the alcohol has officially really got to him. He looks at her, face scrunched up and one eye closed. ]
Um. Once here, like when I first got here, with moonshine they found because I thought getting blackout drunk would maybe prevent- [ He gestures at his head and almost slaps himself in the face. He drops his hand quickly. You didn't see that. ] Didn't work. I was just drunk dreaming.
[ He sinks into the chair, snorting. ]
Five or four cakes since then. Cake years. You know how it does the whole cycle and comes back to the cakes? Whatever. And I've only drank like once before getting to this place.
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